Hey! Listen! It's the 100th Edition!!

Well, well well, look at that celebratory rhyme. *Dusts shoulder off*

Oh my goodness! A very happy 100th regular edition of This’ll Have to Do to you! Seems like just yesterday I started showing up in your inbox with all my thinkings.

Well, it wasn’t just yesterday. It was almost exactly two years ago. To kick this whole thing off, I sent out the first edition on my birthday in 2022.  

An intro: One of my best birthdays.

Then time passed, as it is wont to do, and I celebrated one year of the newsletter with another post right around my birthday. 

It's my birthday!

Now, here we are. Two years and one hundred editions later and it’s my…birth…day. Wait. It was my birthday last Monday and I by-and-large skipped referencing it in the newsletter at all. There was a tiny gif nod to it in the footer of last week’s but that was mostly an easter egg for myself. 

I would love to say that I skipped any mention of my birthday last week because I had grand plans for major connections between the 100th edition of my newsletter and my birthday and growing and changing and so on and so forth but that is absolutely not true. I didn’t mention it last week because I haven’t been feeling particularly celebratory or like someone to be celebrated. On Monday, I watched and listened to the day blow away in 25mph winds. It seemed rude for it to be so windy on my birthday but, unfortunately, I do not control the weather.

The newsletter this week feels like it should be a big deal. One hundred! (Did I mention that?) And, because of the kind of person I am, I made an excel spreadsheet of all my newsletters literal months ago, so I knew it was coming. But, also because of the kind of person I am, I spent a lot of time thinking about what the topic could be while not making any decisions until quite close to right now, during the writing of the thing. (It is 4:27p on Sunday, 3/17, in case you are interested.) You will almost always find me at Procrastination Station.

What really hit me during the rumination process is how I have brought this newsletter along with me nearly every week for the last two years. More often, if you include the paid subscriber editions. It is a weekly routine I have grown to love. It has brought consistency to a realm of my writing I have grown to rely on. And, it has helped me maintain at least a portion of my sanity.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about things I’ve forgotten to love—things that were once so integral to who I am that are now just a lovely part of the history of me and how I got here. So, writing about the things that I take with me from year to year—particularly from birthday to birthday—feels like a great response to that previous edition and a fitting idea to mark the one hundred emails I’ve sent from Substack. 

Don’t worry. It is in list form. Just one of the many things I take with me from year to year.

(CW: Brief mention of death and grief. Skip the list item ‘My Grandmother’ to breeze past those mentions if you need to.) 

My Actual Birthday
I have made it no secret that I am not a big fan of my birthday. Are you tired of hearing about it?

Guess what? I am too!

These days, I’m really tired of myself. And, according to my daily mood tracker, being tired of myself is something that happens consistently this time of year, every year. A pattern if you will. 

But, here’s the thing, once you’ve been born, that’s it. You’ll never not have been born again (unless you have a guardian angel named Clarence). That means, you’ll always have a birthday. You are forced to take it with you. That also means that at least two people—you and, probably, who birthed you or raised you—will always know when your birthday is. As much as you…I…may want to avoid it, it’s always impossible in some little way.  

Birthday Scavenger Hunts
This is a memory I take with me…with might be kind of a cheat. But it’s my newsletter so, I make the rules!

When I was a child, my Mom was very ambitious in regards to my birthday parties. Before I was even really conscious, she would do the whole nine years and there would be more children in my parents’ house than should be in any one place at any given time. That ambition grew as I also grew and there were a couple of years when my birthday parties were sleepovers. More ambitious yes, but less kids because those sleepovers were during my middle school years and middle schoolers are scary. (…do you think any of them heard me say that??)

My Mom put together these elaborate scavenger hunts that would take us all over our very small house, leading us to goodies and cheap toys and noise makers that would be our companions for the night. The clues would often include some sort of physical activity which, I’m realizing now, may have been a tool for trying to tire us out. My Brother was there too, participating along which, obviously, made me annoyed because middle school kids are mean. This will sound funny after this last sentence where I admit to being not great as a human but there are some good home movies from those years.

Those parties faded away after a couple of years; I can’t imagine how much work, and patience, it actually took for my parents to put the whole thing together. But, my time with scavenger hunts was not done. My best friend and I started making scavenger hunts for each other in high school, a fun way to prolong the birthday celebration. 

I don’t know if I would have the brain power to put together a scavenger hunt now but I do take these fond memories with me.   

Birthday Treats
If you love a sweet for a celebration, these are usually a given. And I love some sweets. Most sweets. All sweets. Often, I’ll make myself something special for my birthday. Maybe a new recipe or an old stand-by. I didn’t do that this year but I wasn’t lacking treats in any way.

For the last couple of years, my parents have sent me birthday desserts. There were cake jars one year, from a place I’m not remembering. There were Dough Donuts. Last year it was Babkas from Breads Bakery. And this year, it was a Milk Bar sampler box. 

I love this tradition that I get to take with me from year to year. Delicious sweets that I don’t have to be in charge of? Sign me up! (Already done.) I’m so thankful for it. But, these treats also always make me laugh a little. I can’t imagine how much money my parents are spending to send me treats from New York-based places. It would be loads cheaper to give me some money and tell me where they want me to go get them. 

I do admit, however, if they did that, I would be sad. Having me go fetch my own birthday treats would feel not as festive. Plus, it would also basically be telling me what to do and we all know how I feel about that. 

Don’t tell me what to do. But do let me take this with me.  

My New Year
As much as I’m not a fan of my birthday, I am a fan of using it as a marker of a new beginning. New Years being in the middle of the cold, dead winter doesn’t scream FRESH START to me. Birthdays are actual new beginnings; they are the start of a new age. Because of that, I usually have a much easier time seeing my birthday as a time to start again or recommit or throw everything out the window and try something new. I don’t really do resolutions and I figured out a long time ago that, fundamentally, I am not a NEW YEAR NEW ME sort of dame. I am a growing, changing, and learning person that is following the natural progression of time. But I do like to use my birthday to quietly lean into the growth and change and remember that I have no clue what is coming.

Always saying ‘Yes’ to at least one thing
I do think one of the more annoying things about me, sometimes, is my inability to make a decision in certain situations. For instance, I’m usually hesitant to pick a restaurant, preferring to default to other people’s knowledge. That indecisiveness is particularly apparent around my birthday. 

From experiences over the years, I know that if I try too hard to plan something for my birthday, I often end up with high expectations and higher disappointments. But also, well…this lady doth protest too much. I know no matter how much I might not feel like doing anything, there will be a lot of melancholy if I don’t do something. So, I try to take at least one ‘yes’ with me from year to year. 

Side note: I’m so thankful to my friends who really take my lead on this one. There are people who offer to do something or plan things for me and other people who simply wish me a Happy Birthday unless I make it clear I want to do something. Both of those are highly highly appreciated. Especially because, as noted, I usually don’t make it clear.

Birthday Outfits
Thinking about all the possible things to add to this list made me realize that my birthday is a really good benchmark for the way my personal style changes from year to year. I usually like to put on a little something fun or fancy, even if I’m just at home. And what I choose to put on says a lot about how I’m thinking about style at that given moment. Furthermore, a few of my absolutely favorite pieces have been purchased for or around my birthday. My cheetah print Chelsea boots are a big one. Those have become such a hallmark of my style and I never would have bought them except as a little birthday gift for myself. 

It’s been an unconscious habit until now. So, consciously using my birthday as a time to play and/or explore new styles is something that is coming along on my year-to-year journey now. 

My Grandmother
When I was twenty, my maternal grandmother died. She died on March 16th which, if you’re doing the math, is five days after my birthday. Since then, I have always associated my love for her with my birthday. I have also always associated losing her with my birthday. 

Grief is not a linear journey. Grief is something that will come for us all personally, Grief is something that is happening on a global scale at any given moment, whether we feel it directly or not. It makes sense that, even 17 years later, a certain sense of grief settles on me around my birthday. I’m not saying grief for my grandmother specifically doesn’t appear other times but it is a consistent yearly visitor during this time. 

Honestly, I don’t mind this grief. There is something that’s sort of comforting about it. My grandmother was my first big loss, I believe. She’s a person that I loved and who taught me so much in life. Now, she’s a person whom I still love and who continues to teach me so much. There’s been a lot of loss in my family, particularly in the last decade or so, and having this important figure in my life be the person who ushered me into an exploration of this very human thing we all will deal with, feels a little like a blessing to me. 

For years, it hurt so much to remember her. Now, I would never not take her with me from birthday to birthday. 

This Newsletter
Duh. 

The introduction pretty much covers this one. So, I’ll just say, thank you. This is a newsletter with a small but mighty group of subscribers. This is a newsletter with a smaller and also very mighty group of paid subscribers. Thank you to everyone who reads, from those who read every week to those who read one every so often. Any amount of reading is so meaningful to me. Thank you to those who reach out to tell me what resonated with them. And thank you for being on this strange and winding journey with me. 

Sure, I wouldn’t mind growing the readership a bit. But that’s been harder since I’m not on social media, really, currently. Sure, I wouldn’t mind expanding paid subscribers as well. But both of those things really take a backseat to all of you who are already here, whether you’ve been here since the beginning or since last week. 

Thank you for coming with me from week to week. Sincerely, thank you. 

(If you do feel like sharing the newsletter, I obviously wouldn’t say no to that. If you are a free subscriber who wants to upgrade your subscriber, remember all paid subscriptions at 10% off in this, the year of my NYC decade-aversary. Or, if offering a one time little treat is more your speed, my venmo is @samjeancoop. Did I do it?? Is this how you business??) 

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Ending with this is a new thing I’m trying. Wow! What’s a new year without a little change?

I am continuing on with the subscription donation project. For February and March, the organization is the MENA Arts Advocacy Coalition. If you are new here (welcome!) or need a refresher, you can always find more details on the project on my About page.

I have also decided to extend the paid subscription discount offer! Paid subscriptions are 10% off for the whole next year as a celebration for NYC Decade-aversary. If you want to upgrade, between now and August is a great time. Or, if a one time support is more your thing, my venmo is @samjeancoop. (That feels weird but I continue to be unemployed so.)

It’s also also always a great time to share the newsletter.