A Grocery List for 2025

And you'll still, inevitably, forget at least one thing

Should be a quick trip to the store. Let’s see, let’s see. What do we need?

Pink Lady Apples - they are out of season and expensive but are your favorite
Lemons - to dress up water so you can feel ALIVE
Potatoes
Garlic
Onion
Scallions - You’re dead inside but you still have taste buds
Broccoli & Carrots - …for pooping

Fancy Bread - $6 for the nice stuff because it doesn’t have added sugar and a bunch of fake ingredients in it
Kraft Mac n’ Cheese - because it’s easy and has a ton of fake ingredients in it
Dried Pasta - any shape but penne
Chickpeas - 2 cans. I mean, you didn’t check my stash but surely you don’t have any chickpeas left
Chicken Ramen - Wait. It’s not 4 for $1 anymore? In this economy?? Never mind never mind

Dairy - Pick whichever 2 are on sale¹
Milk
Heavy Cream
Sour Cream
Cream Cheese
Greek Yogurt
Cheddar Cheese

Butter - if it’s 2 for any amount of $, buy 2, Samantha Jean. You’ll regret it if you don’t

Almond Milk - Yes yes, you know oat milk is better overall but you don’t like drinking my oats

Oatmeal and/or Granola - only 1 oat item

Supplies to bulk up - in case upper body strength is needed for out there
Pepitas
Almond Milk
Greek Yogurt
Beans Beans the musical fruit the more you eat the more you toot
Trail Mix
Tofu - maybe I’ll like it this time!

Supplies for Emotional Eating
Sugar - Granulated & Brown & Powdered
Flour
Butter
Milk
Cocoa Powder - watch out for aluminum!
Eggs²
Chocolate Chips
Doritos
Sour Cream & Onion Pringles
Microwave Popcorn - Shhhhhh, you know you have an air popper and kernels. Shhhh. Okay? Just…shh.
Candy! And then more candy! Fruity and chocolatey!
Ben or Jerry - can’t afford both

Now, I see that there are some overlaps here so make sure you don’t double up on any ingredients. You won’t notice the doubles until you’re checking out and you’ll cringe at the total but you definitely won’t say anything or ask the checker to remove any items. You’ll feel like it’s too late at that point. And the checker is just trying to do their job and quickly get to the person behind you who is standing in a way that their toes touch your heels. You didn’t even know someone could stand that close to you. Ahem. So. Uh..maybe factor that kind of fuck-up into the budget. Just in case.

And yes, you can get one treat in the check-out line. ONE. You hear me? Okay. Good.

1. If none are on sale, you get NOTHING

2. You’ll have to wait for your loan with the incredibly high interest rate to come through to buy these. Hang tight.

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…no. Of course not.

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