Well, ain't that a kick in the (gl)ass.
The Tryping My Best Moment of the Week #10
For this month, I’ve decided to keep the donation project going. At the end of June, based on new free and paid (new or converted) subscriptions, I’ll make a donation to the National Center for Transgender Equality.
If you are new here (welcome!) or need a refresher, you can always find more details of the project on my About page.
And thank you, as always, for being here.
It is quite warm in New York. Well, not overly warm. But it is hovering at 70% humidity today which means it is sweaty. I am sweaty. Or is it glistening? Glowing? Whatever euphemism means “sweaty but trying to be attractive about it.”
In this sort of sticky heat, basically anything becomes an inconvenience. I’m letting the inconvenience I suffered yesterday be the inspiration for this week’s newsletter. These are a few of the times I’ve had an issue with glass. Enjoy.
Well, ain’t that a kick in the (gl)ass.
Before holiday travel 2019
At this point in my life, I don’t like having dishes in the sink for too long. It makes me anxious. I wish I had a dishwasher so I could put them out of sight, out of mind and go on my merry way. But nooooooooo, I always have dishpan hands. What were we talking about? …oh!
If I am leaving the house at all, the dishes have to be done. And of course, this is doubly true if I’m off on a trip, say, like my yearly pilgrimage to Washington State for the holidays. So, this is the situation I find myself in sometime in December of 2019. At the sink, washing Emergen-C residue out of a tiny beer sampling glass. (If you write stuff out in this way, it sounds very dramatic and very important.)
Washing a glass takes one minute, at most, and should be very simple. And yet, as I am wiping out the inside of the glass, it shatters in my hand. Shatters is too strong a word. (Again, dramatic and important.) It broke into several large and manageable pieces but not before it also sliced a few cuts into my hands; there was red everywhere within seconds. I froze and contemplated whether I would need to miss my flight and go to urgent care for some stitches. But then, I decided the next logical step was actually to put some bandaids on my hands and still head out the door in ten minutes as originally planned.
Good news is, I made it to my flight (I’m always very early), the bandaids held all my hemoglobins in, and I did not pass out from any blood loss. No stitches were needed but a glass was harmed in the making of this story.
Summer 2020
When I moved into my current place, I had to buy mostly everything. It was (is) my first time living alone, a situation that comes with great freedom and also great responsibility. I get to pick what all my stuff is?? It’s not all hand-me-downs?? Wait, this is how much stuff costs when you are on your own? Yikes.
Of course, I decided the best thing to do was to buy mason jars for glasses. And food storage. And stuff storage. I must have bought a 16 pack of glasses and lids. Why do I need 16 glasses? I don’t. I put 6 in the cabinet and started filling the rest with anything else. This included dumping a bunch of Dr. Bronner’s soap into one and putting it in my shower.
Yes, glass in the shower.
I don’t think the rest of this story will surprise you. I was taking a shower holding this mason jar full of soap and it slipped right out of my hand and shattered on the tub floor. A real shatter. Again, I froze for a second trying to figure out the best course of action while naked and alone (and afraid), surrounded by shards of glass as the water went from freezing cold to scalding hot and back again.
And there was blood. Some glass hit my foot and a little red swirl was being artfully swept down the drain. I ultimately decided to, you know, do the logical thing and turn off the water, carefully get out of the shower, and get to work cleaning up my millennial shame.
The good news is that my shower was fine, the cut wasn’t that big, and I didn’t pass out from any blood loss. A glass and my bathroom rug, defiled by a little bit of blood, was harmed in the making of this story.
Tuesday, June 7, 2022
It’s warm. It’s sticky. All of the stuff from the intro is still true.
It’s lunch time(ish) and I figure I should at least snack before I head out for my errands. Chips and salsa it is. It’s easy and required little thought, as my brain had melted. I opened a cupboard to pull out a little bowl for the salsa and as I turned away, I heard a crash. It was a moment that looked something like this:
Unbeknownst to me, I had knocked the blender jar from the cabinet, causing it to fall and yes, shatter all over my kitchen floor. I did my favorite thing to do, which is freeze and take stock of the situation. Yep. Glass everywhere.
I did put on my shoes first, as I am older now and much wiser and not naked and alone (and afraid.) As I started to sweep up, I wondered if there was any way to put the thing back together. No. There was no saving this blender. It looked like the glass had gone through the blender itself. Good-bye poor blender.
Good news is my ankles are intact and I didn’t get hit with any glass. The other good news is I was in the market for a new, nicer, more powerful blender anyway although, I’m not particularly in a place to buy a new blender so that’ll have to wait. And yes, a blender was murdered in the making of this story.
That’s all for this week. Don’t forget glass is slippery when wet and sharp when it breaks and keep on tryping your best.