To Have a Laugh

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Jan 09, 2023

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laugh
/laf/
noun, informal
something that causes laughter; a source of fun, amusement, or derision.

Source: Google/Oxford Languages

In my head, pointed laughter is this.

Loud, staccato, direct. Possibly accompanied by a literal point. Not genuine so much as calculated. It’s a spotlight. It’s a call out. It’s “I told you so” and “Of course, I’m right” all in one.

I had a boss once who, as she laughed, made a “sss” sound through her teeth. Eyes open, lips parted, you could never be sure what she was actually laughing about. Sure, it could have been related to whatever thing had been said. Or, it could be related to the last minute deadline and/or task she was planning to spring on you later.

A great feeling is making someone laugh for real, in the moment. To catch their surprise, and hear their delight emanating from a spot deep within their body. It is so sudden and so pure, nothing could have stopped whatever joyful sound escapes from their face.

The best feeling in the world is when you are also surprised by making someone laugh for real, in the moment, and then you laugh too.

Deep belly laughs. Awkward laughs. Laughter to keep from crying. Laughter to aid crying. Fake laughter. Laughter to pass the time. Maniacal laughter. Laughter born of success.

Nervous laughter. Laughter of disbelief. Schadenfreude laughter.

These, a combination of laughters that acknowledge a situation that is much more complicated than it needs to be. A situation with an outcome that serves specific individuals and not a greater whole. A situation that shows, once again, who really are the emotional ones, blindly swinging fists and grabbing for all they can. A situation in which, for a moment at least, those who are laughing feel a little spark of power.

Laughter of the unknown.

This is a laughter that paces around your apartment in the late afternoon bleakness. That in its isolation is not sure it has the tools to protect itself. It’s a laughter that is unsure if talking to someone would help foster connection or fuel the loneliness of anxiety. A laughter that, when someone else makes the decision to reach out, it is happy both for the decision made and the ability to not make a decision.

Peeking out the window, this laughter has a dimension of surprise. Surprise that, right outside the window, everything looks the same. News through screens, hurried Slacked messages, images from far away make it clear that is not the case. But this laughter only knows what it can see right out the window.

This laughter has to go outside. It does not want to go outside but it has to pick up some mail at a former apartment. It has scheduled the pick-up already and has to be brave. This laughter feels silly to need bravery to step outside but it is unknown and the laughter can only know what it knows (which is nothing).

Laughter at the door. Laughter on the front step. Laughter walking in the deep, hazy twilight. Laughter keeping a running list of people to leave blank text messages open to. Laughter holding your hand. Laughter pushing you forward. Laughter pulling you along.

Laughter just before the intake of breath.