[Insert Movement Here] into 2025
Stumbling? Tripping? Dragging?
I can’t believe it’s [insert day here].
How did it get to be [insert month here].
[Insert year here] went by so fast!
Here we are again. At the end of another year. It is time for the cliche best-of lists, round-ups, and countdowns. There are the purposefully anti-cliche versions of those. There are wrap-ups and unwrappeds. Even places where you don’t need those. I don’t need my mood tracker to tell me anything. What are you trying to do showing me the longest span of being in a bad mood? Who asked you?! Duolingo also did a weird wrap up this year. They made it seem like Duo, the mascot, would murder you in a horrific slasher movie fashion if you hadn’t practiced enough. I’m proud to tell you that I was not, in fact, murdered by a green owl with an incredible social media presence. This year.
Surprisingly enough, I don’t have a year-end list for you.
I’ve been working through a metaphor about how I’ve mostly stumbled through this year but that metaphor hasn’t stood up yet. Then, I thought, it was maybe more tripping. I’ve tripped through this year. But that doesn’t feel quite right either. I mean, I trip in every day life. I’m clumsy. I’ve gotten more clumsy as I’ve gotten older. But as a metaphor, I’m not so sure.
Unsurprisingly, my ability to put two-and-two together these days is low.
Within a few days of landing at my parents house, I was sick. I’ve been on-and-off not feeling well for the last week. (Hence no newsletter last week.) I expected it, to be honest. And truly, what better place to be sick than where your mommy will take care of you? What better place to be sick than where your responsibilities are very few. I’ve only done the dishes once since I’ve been here and no one has complained!
What I’m searching for to describe my year, I think, is something that illustrates more starting and stopping. I’ve gotten quite a bit done this year. Writing wise, I was incredibly productive. Helping other people with their writing, I was also productive. Random jobs that don’t pay me enough? I’ve had a few of those too. I made some decisions: A scary decision to attempt to work for myself, something that came about because one day I thought, “Well what if I do take this thing seriously.” And a, what often feels like, a silly decision to continue to pursue the writing part of my career goals. I was maybe too open in some ways and not open enough in other ways. I’ve struggled through my finances. I’ve made some really cool cakes. I’ve tried to work through grieving the casualties of growing up, of distance, of realizing sometimes you’ve tried hard enough. I’ve celebrated my people. I’ve gotten a new nickname that fills my heart with joy. I didn’t leave the city once this year. I’ve more often been covered with acrylic paint and mod podge than I have not been.
But in between it all, there has been a lot of waiting. That’s why it feels like, despite the list (and I thought I didn’t have a list), that not much has happened. That’s why I feel the jerkiness of the stops and the starts. That’s why it feels like there has been a lot of false starts. I feel like I’ve sat on my hands a lot. I knew what needed to be done but sometimes I just had to wait until something else was in place. Or sometimes, it was fear that got in the way. Or exhaustion. Or life. Life gets in the way. Life is also a lot of waiting, I think. I could, I can, feel change in the air but I’ve also felt that for a long time. Maybe I’ve manufactured that feeling. Although, change is one of those things that is often hard to see until you are on the other side.
This year has been excitement that things could happen and fearing that those things will happen. It’s been a year of drive, of moving forward and a year of staring at the wall, just thinking. It’s been a year of being absolutely sure I know what I’m doing and where I’m going and a year of being absolutely sure I don’t know a damn thing about anything. It’s been a year of walking, jumping, running, tripping, sitting, laying down. It’s been a year.
That’s probably the lesson I’ll come out of this holiday daze with. I didn’t cry as much as last year. This year didn’t feel quite as insurmountable as last year in many ways. In fact, parts of it felt downright surmountable.
But ultimately, it’s just been a year. I suppose that’s true of every year.
Here’s to the final few days of 2024. And here’s to, no matter what awaits us ahead, to art, to feeling all our feelings, to laughter and kindness and generosity. Here’s to our people and here’s to each other.
Here’s to you.
December is nearly done. But it’s not done yet so it’s still Holiday Hoo-Be-Whatty time. And that means, a Holiday Hoo-Be-Whatty special! Between now and 12/31, paid subscriptions are 40% for the next 12 months. Oh, it’s the most wonderful time of year!
Hey! How’d you get this footage of me?!
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