I Should Probably Start Charging Rent

This one is funnier than the last few, I promise.

There are so many things I also can’t stop thinking about. *expert foreshadowing*

I am continuing on with the subscription donation project. For November, the organization is the Museum of Chinese in America. Which, yes, is the same one it was for October. I’ve decided each organization is going to get two months now. If you are new here (welcome!) or need a refresher, you can always find more details of the project on my About page. Also, if you want to be a matching donor, let me know.

I have also decided to extend the paid subscription discount offer! Paid subscriptions are 10% off for the whole next year as a celebration for NYC Decade-aversary. If you want to upgrade, now is a great time.

This newsletter means a lot to me. If you are connecting with the work at all, please consider clicking the heart button and/or leaving a comment and/or sharing it. This one is funny! Good to share!

---

There’s gotta be a simple way I can make money, right?

As unemployment continues to drag on, this question has crossed my mind many times. At least on the daily, in fact. Last month…er…in September…because it’s November now (I guess), I wrote a post for paid subscribers called “All The Ways I Could Make Money.” (I have now unlocked this post for everyone, weeeeee.) It’s a round-up of all the ways I think I could make money if they were viable options. Some of them are actually real world viable options, but you get the point.

In revisiting this list, another FULL-PROOF money-making idea hit me—I could start charging all the moments that live rent-free in my head…rent. There are so many of these moments that I don’t think I’d even have to charge each individual moment that much to keep taking up my couch and eating all my snacks. Why should they get to hang around when I have to do all the work?!

Good, right? I’m so smart.

For this week’s newsletter, I thought I’d share a list (duh) of the moments I will be seeking rent from and you can tell me if you think they’ll actually pay up. 

I do have a couple of caveats for this list. First, this list of moments will be on the lighter end of the spectrum. The nicer moments. The funny or heartfelt media. The things that still make me smile when I think about them. Let’s be real, I am a Depression Sun with an Anxiety Rising so there are certainly a fair amount of rough, sad, unhappy moments also floating around in my brainbox. But, those moments get far too much airplay these days, I think. I’m reaching for an upper!

Secondly, while there will be personal moments on this list, a lot of it will be various media (movies, tv, music, theatre) so there’s likely to be spoilers here and there. I am not sure that will be the case as I’m usually anywhere from a few months to a few decades behind interacting with things that are very now, very in the moment and therefore, tend not to care too much about spoilers. So, you might not think anything is a spoiler. Or you might. Either way, be forewarned.

And C) I feel like, by nature of what this list is, it ends up looking like a kind of recommendation list? There will certainly be things on this list that I don’t interact with, watch, listen to anymore but, by the nature of something living rent free in my brain, those things may still show up. I should probably charge those moments double, yeah? I feel like that would be a sound business decision. 

That’s enough of the, “maybes,” “buts,” “what-ifs” and “hey, look over heres.” Get onto the list already, Samantha!

You don’t have to tell me twice to make a list. Making a list is my happy place (except when it’s not) and a list I shall make!

A list of All the (Lighter) Moments that Live Rent-Free in my Head That I Should Start Charging Rent 
(The title of this list is probably the first one.)

• JG Wentworth, 877-CASH-NOW!

• “Are you the criminals?! From the statistics?!” - Schmidt, New Girl, S6E19

• “Bellingham, I’m drunk!” - Me, Drunk, in college, in Bellingham, Washington, on the way to get dumplings

• “Stop. Pooping.” - Chris, Parks & Recreation, S3E2

• Over the holidays of 2019, when I was visiting my family, my brother and I went to a mall in my hometown that we have often frequented. Much like many malls in America, it’s much sadder these days. One of the things that has moved into this mall is an aquarium. Yes, you read that right. We went and had the weirdest and most fun time. From that trip, the moment, specifically, that lives in my head is when my brother and I went into the birdcage—you know, where you can feed birds—which, on its own, is disconcerting. What I didn’t realize, though, is that my brother is afraid of birds. I have no idea why he came in as well. But his face at that moment, it’s up in the ye olde brainbox.

• The the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (original) theme song

• “Imaginarrrry Muffin. Cartoon Muffin. Blood.” - Muffins YouTube video
  Okay, okay. It’s really only the “Blood” moment that lives up there but it felt weird to just type out “Blood” without any context so.

• The moment in An Octoroon when the set literally fell over. On purpose. - (Definitely a spoiler from) An Octoroon by Branden Jacobs-Jenkins
  I saw the Soho Rep production at Theatre for a New Audience in 2015

• “My noses!” - Spanish Jackie, Our Flag Means Death, S1E3
  And no, I haven't watched any of the second season yet. I do not think my emotions are prepared. So no, DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT IT I AM NOT READY OKAY?!

• When Wadsworth (Tim Curry) gets shot in one of the three endings - (Also definitely a spoiler from) Clue The Movie, 1985

• I am lucky enough, or cursed enough, to have a whole lot of home movies from when I was a kid. There’s one from when I was maybe four years old and I am dancing around the living room in a little white slip that I call my ‘wedding dress.’ This is the exchange between me and my Mom:
  Mom: Whatcha doing there Sammy?
  Me: (stops dancing) Dancing with all my friends.
  Mom: Okay, why don’t you do some dancing for me?
  Me: Okay, here I gooooooo. (expert jump dance right into hand in front of face dance move)

• “And one day the mask will be your face.” - Helen Morgendorffer, Daria, Is it Fall Yet?

• “Ahhhh, they took my freakin’ kidney.” - Charlie the Unicorn YouTube Video

• Delia: I found my frequency. Crystals speak to me.
  Lydia: What are they saying?
  Delia: (whispers) Buy more crystals.
  - No Reason from Beetlejuice Original Broadway Cast Recording
  Leslie Kritzer, Sophia Caruso
  (I did also see this on Broadway…a couple of times.)

• The first time I saw Thomas Cole’s Course of Empire at the New York Historical Society

• While I was in grad school (drink), I wrote a play that was basically a sequel to Chekhov’s The Cherry Orchard called These Mistakes. It’s set in more modern times but the main characters line up pretty much with Chekhov’s. In the production we did in the Summer of 2014 (I think), we did the show in the round. Towards the end, there is a moment where it is sort of indicated that the two daughters are wandering the house saying good-bye for the last time. The moment was bathed in blue light while this gorgeous instrumental song (Games For Two by Ryan Teague) was playing. My two very good friends and wonderful actors, Jen and Cessa, were playing the two daughters and the way in which they slowly and thoughtfully moved through the space has always stuck with me. 

• “That’s my boy. That’s my star!” - Linda Belcher, Bob’s Burgers, S1E5

• “Making it happen. We made it.” - 30 Rock, S1E18 

• Basically any overture of any musical on Broadway. I should probably be more specific but they all get me. 

• The opening of Arsonist's Lullaby by Hozier

• When Lady Gaga starts bleeding in her 2009 VMA performance of her song Paparazzi
  (Wow, another blood moment, Samantha?? Okay.)

• In Season 3 of Schitt’s Creek, there is an episode called “General Store.” In the episode, David gets the idea to open a store in town and enlists Moira to use her sway on town council to help him get a vacant store front. David’s proposal gets rejected and he confronts Moira about it. Thus, we get to the moment when Moira has to tell David that the reason all his other businesses succeeded was because her and Johnny were funding them unbeknownst to him.
  The moment itself isn’t necessarily a light one but I am including it here because Catherine O’Hara’s acting in that moment is so subtle and heartbreaking I think about it often. It’s a split second really but it’s one of those few moments when you understand how much she does care about her family. 

• The end of the second act of Mr. Burns, a Post-Electric Play by Anne Washburn
  (I won’t give you the spoiler to this one) 

• “But I am le tired.”
  “Well, have a nap and then fire ze missiles!”
  - The End of the World YouTube video

• My wonderful friend and former roommate Sarah is friends with Teal Wicks who was the middle Cher in The Cher Show on Broadway. (She was great.) In 2018, Sarah and I went to see the show together and then we went backstage to say hi to Teal. Now, surprisingly enough, in my, at that time, five years in New York I had not yet been backstage at a Broadway show. I definitely thought I would be super chill about it. And, I was in terms of meeting people. But there was a moment where I got really overwhelmed and had to turn away to weep a little by some of the costumes. I have spent most of my life hoping I’d be on Broadway in some way but I had also, at various times, let that dream go for whatever reasons. That is a moment I realized that I had not, in fact, let that dream go and I should keep working for it.
  This memory is also kind of sad right now for reasons but I’m going to breeze right past that.

Honestly, I could keep going. I can barely remember what I go into rooms for anymore but apparently I can remember all these. I mean, I probably remember them because I want to charge them rent.

Continuing on does feel gratuitous at this point BUT there is one more very important moment:

• There is a video I took of my best friend Cassi, slip-slidin’ around on an ice patch outside of North Star Diner in Seattle. The video goes like this:
  Me: Cassi, what are you doing?
  Cassi (continues slip-slidin’): It’s so…so scary. So slippery.
  Me: Why are you doing this?
  Cassi: (keeps slip-slidin’)

Yes, this moment lives rent-free in my brain but also, I share this because Cassi’s birthday is TOMORROW. I’m not currently doing almost any social media and I can’t embarrass her on Instagram so I’ll just do it here.

Let me tell you, if you want to know who the kindest and most generous person in a room is, it’s Cassi. If you want to know who the most patient person in a room is, it’s Cassi. If you want to know who is the best hype person in a room, it’s Cassi. If you want to know who is probably actually the funniest person in a room, it’s Cassi. If you want to know who my parents and my therapist like better than me, it’s Cassi. 

Thanks for being my friend for 2.5 decades. Thanks for sticking around and basically becoming my sister. Thanks for being you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

P.S. I didn’t get my shit together enough to get you a present…yet. So. You know. Be ready. Later.

And to the rest of you, thanks for reading. It’s cozy season. Get into those soups, get out those blankets, and maybe consider buying a SAD lamp. (Geez! Okay. Maybe I will buy one!) 

Also, does anyone have gift ideas? Just asking…for a friend.

---

This week, paying subscribers were invited back into the monthly haiku salon with haikus all about a kid’s toy! If that sounds intriguing to you, consider becoming a paid subscriber. Remember, for the whole month of August, paid subscriptions are 10% off.