I did not gird my loins.
Mercury retrograde is in full attack mode. I should have put on protective gear.
We should have known.
There was no way that a mercury retrograde starting on April 1st—April Fool’s Day—was not going to be difficult. There was no way a mercury retrograde combined with an eclipse was not going to be fully brutal.
It has been for me. Has it been for you?
Pretty much everyone I talk to feels like they’ve been whacked upside the head with a forged steel heirloom shovel every day for the last three weeks. Every single person I know is counting down the days until it passes.
I do have good news for you. Mercury goes out of retrograde on April 25th which is, in fact, this coming Thursday. We’re almost there. Hooray.
While I’m happy we’re nearly there, I do have some bones to pick with the *gestures vaguely around.* So, I made a list (duh) of everything (I can remember) I’m blaming mercury for since the beginning of April. Yes, I know doing this before it’s officially over is probably some sort of jinx. I also know that, at least this month, mercury is a smug bitch and will probably enjoy seeing its handy work in list form.
If you have blame items of your own, feel free to leave a comment. If nothing else, I hope whoever needs it sees that I’m right there with you.
On April 1st—yes, the very first day—a man sat in his car parked right outside my window for roughly four hours, from 10p to 2a, revving his engine every, like, twenty minutes. I could see enough to know that he was in there watching something on his phone but not enough to figure out…what? Or…why…why he was trying to keep me awake and make me feel so unsettled??
Shortly thereafter, my prescription refills were rejected because I needed to make a doctor’s appointment. This is, in and of itself, not necessarily the worst thing except that they hold the important meds so that I’ll make an appointment to discuss a totally different med that they always seem to automatically approve.
The amount of cars honking for no reason on my street has hit excruciating levels on certain days. My friends, if no one is moving in front of you, what are you hoping to accomplish by honking?!
The amount of job rejections has definitely increased in the last month. There was also at least one ghosting.
My shower was not regulating temperature even worse than normal. I have two options most days: a shower that is going to scald all my skin off or a shower that is going to turn me into our friend Jack, from Titanic, hanging off the door in the freezing cold water until…well, you know what happened.
I owe a bunch of state taxes. Definitely not surprising but I’ll throw the blame where I can.
My dreams have been weirder and more violent than usual. I’ve had relatively violent dreams since I was a kid but it feels like the volume has been turned up to 11 in the last few weeks. There was a full violent montage at one point? That seems cruel. Where is my 90s romcom makeover montage??
I over-whipped my egg whites when I was trying to make macarons.
The weather has been nuts and, therefore, my sinuses have been nuts.
When I was on my way out to do laundry the other day, our building inner front door doorknob came right out in my hand. As I stood there, staring at it in my hand, I thought about how cruel it was that I was doing laundry and having to call my landlady in the same morning all before 10a.
One day, I was trying to text my friend Sam. As I was doing that, I accidentally hit the video call icon. Then, I couldn’t figure out how to stop the video call before it connected. Then, I somehow hid the window that shows the video call. Sam, of course, started talking to me and I just couldn’t figure anything out. I basically had to wait for her to end the call because I truly still have no idea where that window disappeared to at that moment. She thought it was one of the funniest things that happened all week. I could feel myself moving squarely into my middle aged lady technology era.
The other day, I was trying to figure out why my electric lighter wasn’t working. So I pushed the button up and started wiping it with a kleenex while it was on. I did get a little shock. I am so smart.
There are probably a whole host of other minor inconveniences that I have blamed mercury for and/or will blame mercury for in the next five(ish) days that I’ve already forgotten. But there’s a good sampling for you. Those are the moments I remember looking to the sky and yelling MERCURY with all my might.
I better stop here for fear of…other things happening. Wishing you an uneventful week in the best of ways.
I’m ordering pizza tonight.
I am continuing on with the subscription donation project. For April and May, the organization is the Inclusive Outdoors Project. If you are new here (welcome!) or need a refresher, you can always find more details on the project on my About page.
Paid subscribers help fund my writing habit. SO, I have also decided to extend the paid subscription discount offer! Paid subscriptions are 10% off for the whole next year as a celebration for NYC Decade-aversary. If you want to upgrade, between now and August is a great time. Or, if a one time support is more your thing, my venmo is @samjeancoop.
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