A list of things I hate.
The Week in Selfies: 5/11/20 - 5/17/20
At the end of the month of May, I will be making a donation to the National Network of Abortion Funds in conjunction with the newsletter. For every new free subscription I get, I’ll donate $1 and for every new paid subscription, I’ll donate $5. I’m already planning on donating $100 so this is on top of that. I currently have four incredible matching donors so any donation goes even farther! And if being a matching donor is something that interests you, let me know.
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Unrelated but special shout-out: Thank you to my best friend, my eternal hype human, one of the best people, Cassandra Gallagher-Shearer, for the new banner image.
Here is a list of things I hate about apartment hunting:
- The ridiculous NYC requirement that most places have that says you need to make 40x the monthly rent (and 80x for any co-signers) before they will even consider renting to you
- Texting with incredulous caffeine-addled brokers about my financial situation
- Old grumpy man realtors who get snippy with you for trying to negotiate rent on a rent-stabilized apartment even though they didn’t tell you it was rent stabilized in the first place
- How incredibly fast you have to move on anything and everything
(Look, my theme song for last year was Late Bloomer by The Secret Sisters. I do not move fast on just about…anything.)
- The continuous and debilitating anxiety of wondering if anyone will ever rent an apartment to you and you alone, a single person with admittedly good credit who doesn’t even make cost of living in one of the most expensive cities in the country during, what turns out to be, just the very beginning of a global pandemic
- Trying to explain a niche theatre job to people – yes, you license shows. Yes, you have to pay to do the shows. Someone wrote that show. Yes, please tell me, actor broker who also apparently runs a theatre company, you understand theatrical licensing.
- The expense
- Going outside
- Trying not to get murdered
Here is a list of things I like about apartment hunting:
- Making lists. (I fucking love making lists about anything, whatever. I have a notebook called “The Book of Lists.” And no, that is not the only place I keep lists.)
- Discovering different parts of your neighborhood
- Realizing that living alone finally, something you never thought would happen as long as you lived in NYC, might actually be a possibility
- The incredibly generous and supportive friends and family who do not hesitate to offer help in anyway they can
- Decorating every new space in my head
So, anyway, this was a week of more apartment hunting.
Monday, May 11, 2020
I can’t be certain but I am guessing the thought going through my head is, “Please, someone rent me an apartment.”
Tuesday, May 12, 2020
I can’t be certain but I’m guessing the thought going through my head is, “I can pay rent ya jag. Stop texting me about my salary.”
Wednesday, May 13, 2020
I can’t be certain but I’m guessing the thought going through my head is, “I love this tiny off-set spatula. This is the love of my life. We will make so many good cakes together. I love you.”
Thursday, May 14, 2020
I can’t be certain but I’m guessing the thought going through my head is, “.”
Friday, May 15, 2020
I can’t be certain but I’m guessing the thought going through my head is, “Thank god for virtual therapy.”
Saturday, May 16, 2020
I can’t be certain but I’m guessing the thought going through my head is, “Have I left my bed today? What’s over there?”
Sunday, May 17, 2020
I can’t be certain but I’m guessing the thought going through my head is, “I paid a quarter million dollars for this tambourine.”
Last week, paying subscribers got a one minute play about shivving in a Victorian prison. If that sounds intriguing to you, consider becoming a paid subscriber.